super + -

Things are happening and they are also not. Frustration and liberation. Present now and future now. Every day I have the distinct feeling of playing basketball when I was little: I'm on guard watching first my guy, then the ball, which is more important? I get the big picture of the intent and arc of the game, but something's just happened and I don't know what's supposed to happen next. I hated playing basketball when I was little.
I want everything. I cannot have everything. Instead of cutting back my desires, I slash out the classes I'm supposedly paying thousands for because they are obligations in every negative sense of the word. But at some point I wanted them too, I guess, which is why I'm at school in the first place. I want to leave - make something out of myself, but I also want to do my senior project - make something worth myself. This tension has not gotten any weaker since the fall of 2005.
Oh, school! What opportunities for growth and procrastination! (I could do without the procrastination.) Eight more months, eight more months, eight more months...... But the speed of the world is so so fast right now, will it still be there when I'm out?
Then here I go, typing badly written blog entries and baking pastries instead of doing all those things that are piling up at my feet. They've reached my armpits now.
Alison is gone for two weeks. Almost don't have time to miss her, but I do. When the riggers leave on Friday, Bard will recommence being fully and utterly Bard and I will be working my ass off just to get the fuck out so that maybe in my dream future I can go somewhere awesome and work with them again. Maybe even get paid next time around.
Short post. Test subject. We'll see how this goes.