Fall Out

The realization that with certain baked goods I've been making these days I could host a feast for all of my boyfriends with strange diets.... Nut-free, vegan, and now gluten-free. Combined with my own experiments in alternative sweeteners, I should probably consider opening up a bakery of my own.
Experiment #451 in the oven as I write: a take on baked apples. We'll see how it goes.

So... Obama. He's a good man. Newfound patriotism I didn't even know I was capable of. (what? what?) Strange to wear red, white and blue on Bard campus and not feel like a joke or a mistake. In waiting for the actual presidency: expectations are high, if not from me, from everybody else. Still deciding where my expectations lie...

Senior proj, senior proj..... More time now, but I keep falling asleep? Not kidding. I get really pumped to sit down and write/plan/do and *boom* I fall asleep. My age old natural avoidance tactic is kicking in, but this time I really don't want to avoid! Unfortunately, resisting fatigue when you've no longer got a pressing schedule is one of the more difficult things to do. Working on it. At least I've gotten to the studio a number of times, started setting up and doing a little bit of work. What sucks most right now is they took the camera away from me. Shit. That makes me practically useless. Hope I get it back soon.

Boy is good, boy is gone. Very good that Mr. Distraction is not within reach at the moment. Writing/making letters and baking gluten-free food (even though he won't be eating it) is enough of a distraction.

I can't believe how long autumn has lasted. I guess that means time is moving slowly this season. (Strange, considering the speed of the academic year. Oh Time! you take such twisted paths! Split and concurrent at once!) The leaves are finally leaving their perches, landing in such grand piles, offering a joyful padding to trodders and trodden who roam about. My own perch above Red Hook is exposed, but now I've new sights across the street. Pissed though, that I've so few hours to view it in the beautiful autumn sunlight. And it's supposed to get darker till my birthday - ugh! Yeah, I know this isn't news, but every year the loss of daylight gets me. And then as soon as I get used to it and start feeling comfy in the womb-like world of early winter, they start to turn the lights on the bleak, slush-encrusted world of the everlasting 'rest-of-fucking-winter.'
But I digress... I'm actually enjoying the world right now. Feeling pretty content about things.

DEADlines

I'm digging myself into a hole. It's October 20th and I've not made *any* tangible progress towards my senior project. In fact, every day I have less of an ambition to do it. My adviser reminds me that it's mid-semester and we need to meet. I avoid him. I have to have a video for a show tomorrow and another one next week. So far no videos. I am the epitome of lazy, uninspired and uninterested. I put plants in my studio in order to make me go there. They might die.
Alison gets back today. I can't wait to see her. Certain important and routine parts of the past few weeks have been missing. Not good.
New love. Splendid, but likely a distraction that I shouldn't be so eager about at the moment.

super + -

Things are happening and they are also not. Frustration and liberation. Present now and future now. Every day I have the distinct feeling of playing basketball when I was little: I'm on guard watching first my guy, then the ball, which is more important? I get the big picture of the intent and arc of the game, but something's just happened and I don't know what's supposed to happen next. I hated playing basketball when I was little.
I want everything. I cannot have everything. Instead of cutting back my desires, I slash out the classes I'm supposedly paying thousands for because they are obligations in every negative sense of the word. But at some point I wanted them too, I guess, which is why I'm at school in the first place. I want to leave - make something out of myself, but I also want to do my senior project - make something worth myself. This tension has not gotten any weaker since the fall of 2005.
Oh, school! What opportunities for growth and procrastination! (I could do without the procrastination.) Eight more months, eight more months, eight more months...... But the speed of the world is so so fast right now, will it still be there when I'm out?
Then here I go, typing badly written blog entries and baking pastries instead of doing all those things that are piling up at my feet. They've reached my armpits now.
Alison is gone for two weeks. Almost don't have time to miss her, but I do. When the riggers leave on Friday, Bard will recommence being fully and utterly Bard and I will be working my ass off just to get the fuck out so that maybe in my dream future I can go somewhere awesome and work with them again. Maybe even get paid next time around.
Short post. Test subject. We'll see how this goes.